Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Shocking! Black Republican Caught In Sex Scandal

(Black Republican found! E. Ozwald Balfour)

A 3rd District judge this week scuttled Republican leader E. Ozwald Balfour's efforts to disqualify the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office from prosecuting him for allegedly groping, or attempting to grope, four women. Four sex assault cases filed against Balfour in 2005 were still unresolved last fall when he threw his support - and the free services of his two media consulting companies - to Republican district attorney candidate Lohra Miller.

Salt Lake Tribune reporters hit the streets to get the reaction of the people of Salt Lake, Utah: "I'm in shock! I didn't know there was a black Republican! Let alone in Utah!", said local restaurant owner Joe Osmond.

"The Republicans have a black guy in Utah? You're kidding me! Is this 'Candid Camera'? This is 'Candid Camera'! Isn't it! Where's the camera?", said local mom Susan Brown.

"Was he groping white women? We don't take too kindly to black Republicans groping white women in Utah", said local minister Rev. William Whitehall.

"A Republican sex scandal not involving a men's room? I find that hard to believe!", was the reaction of a patron in a local Salt Lake City diner.

Asked his reaction to the news, a local fan walking out of a Utah Jazz basketball game exclaimed, "I'm sure there's a guy named 'E. Ozwald Balfour'...yeah, right!!!"

E. Ozwald Balfour's official statement on the matter:

"Wazzamattah??? You ain't nevah seen a black Republican befoe???"
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