Exclusive: Chinese Guy Who Keeps Putting Lead In Everything, Finally Caught

Above: Fu Kiu finally caught!

The man responsible for lead in products imported from China, everything from childrens toys to lunch boxes, has finally been aprehended. Asked why he did it, he said, "Because I have lots of lead."

It was revealed, that Fu Kiu met with the heads of Chinese sweat shops, and talked them into adding lead to everything. He said it would "make their products better"...and he "had lots of lead." No one knows why they listened to him.

Fu Kiu recently started a campaign with these sweatshops to add antifreeze in toothpaste. He told them that your "teeth wouldn't freeze in the winter." No one knows why they listened to him for that, either.

Before his apprehension, Fu Kiu was last seen lacing marijuana with lead. Upon his arrest, Fu Kiu stated that he still has lots of lead.

Further, he stated, "Fu Kiu want to be like big American businessman and make lots of money selling crap like lead."

Tim Grier Refuses To Take His Hat Off During Wilkes-Barre City Council Meeting (about the unconstitutional protest ordinance)

("Leftist radical" Tim Grier.)

Below is a copy of the Wilkes-Barre protest ordinance, leaf through it with the left & right arrows, or hit "open publication" to see it LARGE!

Tim Grier and his girlfriend joined Drumbo, Sherlock, and I on our weekly Chinese meeting, as well as special guest Mrs. Big Dan. Tim was telling us to check out THIS recent article, where at the end of the article council chairwoman Kathy Kane interrupted proceedings on the new controversial city ordinance that many people are saying is unconstitutional. The ordinance states that people who want to protest or hold a rally, assembly, event, service or any type of demonstration on city property must apply for a $20 permit. They claim that no one will be denied a permit. Of course, if they deny a permit, I'm sure they won't be held accountable for at first claiming that they will not deny anyone a permit! OR...maybe they'll grant you a protest permit to protest Hillary Clinton on the square...and grant you a permit to protest in Kirby Park! While SHE'S speaking on public square! Then they can say, "Well, we didn't deny your permit, did we?"

Funny about the timing of this ordinance, with the 2008 election campaigners making their way into this area soon. Usually the primaries are decided well before it hits NEPA, but it looks like the Hillary/Obama primary will actually be meaningful in NEPA...and the WB City Council "happens" to start up this protest ordinance! Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly WHO thought of this? Did the FBI call in, and say, "Hey, we noticed your city doesn't have a protest ordinance. We don't think that's a good idea!" Which leads to the question, "Is there a pattern here?" Are there OTHER Pa. towns starting up "protest ordinances"...you know...by coincidence?

Anyway, after talking to Tim Grier several times over the past month, I've come to the conclusion that Tim knows a lot about government and politics, in fact, way more than anyone I've ever met. And I've also come to the conclusion that Tim Grier is a really nice guy and he's right about everything he's talking about! And I wouldn't mess with him, and I'm glad I agree with him! Because I wouldn't want to argue with him!

Tim tells me, that when Kathy Kane interrupted proceedings at this important council meeting about taking away our 1st amendment freedom of speech, to ask people to "take off your hat"...Tim looked around and realized he was the only person wearing a hat! Probably, Kathy Kane was looking right at Tim when she said it!

Tim refused to take off his hat, saying, “In the spirit of having a more positive and better Wilkes-Barre, I will take that into consideration in the future and I thank you for your advice.”

Tim, I'm only being funny, you are NOT a "leftist radical". You're a really great guy! And I have come to realize, that I am so happy there's people like you in the valley...THANK YOU!!!

Big Dan and "the gang" here give Tim Grier a HUGE THUMBS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tim? All of us think that you can leave your hat on...in fact?

Even Joe Cocker thinks that "You Can Leave Your Hat On"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We Got Screwed Again At A Chinese Buffet!

Me, Sherlock, & Drumbo had our weekly Chinese meeting today. We call them Chinese meetings, even though we stopped going to Chinese buffets due to the decrease in quality and increase in price. Sometimes we call them "donut meetings" or "Big Lebowski meetings", too. I'm the Dude, Sherlock is Donny, and Drumbo is Walter. Once my son went to a Chinese meeting with us, and he said we were exactly like the "Big Lebowski" movie.

Anyway, what do you think this is below?

I was eating some beef & peppers, and Sherlock said, "Is that a funnel in your food?" It's a piece of beef shaped like a funnel! I said the above picture looks like a witch's hat! From different angles, it looks like other things. Below, it looks like a "horn of plenty."



Below, is the original angle, in which it looks like the funnel. Why did I bring it home with me? It's hard to find tiny funnels, and I needed one to refill my automatic shower cleaner bottles. YOU try and find a funnel that small!

The food was terrible, nothing was good...as usual. I have a theory why we keep going back to Chinese buffets: We think of how good they are when they first open up, just to sucker you in, and you've got to forget about that! It was Drumbo's fault, he'll admit it, most likely in a comment later after I post this. Horrible food! Ughhhhh! Why do we keeping eating at Chinese buffets?

Irony: U.S. Healthy Food Program's Lunch Bags Made In China; Recalled Due To Lead Contamination

We love irony here at Big Dan's Big Blog!

I'm quite the "jokester", but I'm not making this up. Lunch bags made for WIC's "Healthy Food Program" were recalled because the lunch bags, made in China, were contaminated with lead! Do I have to spell out the IRONY for you???

First of all, we can't even make crappy lunch bags in the U.S. now??? We have to import lunch bags???

Second, it's called the "Healthy Food Program", but they give these poor WIC children the (supposed) healthy food in LEAD CONTAMINATED LUNCH BAGS!!! Does it matter how healthy the food is, if it's served up in lead-contaminated lunch bags??? Why don't they serve the kids LEAD in the lead-contaminated lunch bags??? A nice healthy heapin' bagfull o' LEAD!!! Yeah! Why not???

Third: Do the Chinese put lead in EVERYTHING??? For Christ's sake! Can't they make a LUNCH BAG without putting LEAD in it??? Does some guy, no matter what, say, "Let's put some LEAD in it" when they're making something over there? Why do they listen to him?

Where is China getting all this lead from? Is China made of lead? WTF??? Are Chinese PEOPLE made of lead???

Let me ask the third question from a different angle: DO THE CHINESE MAKE ANYTHING WITHOUT LEAD IN IT??????????????

Why is there so much lead in China? I ask of thee? How much da ya wanna bet, the lead pencils they send us don't have any lead in them! But everything else does!

While we're busy with this bogus "War On Terror", the Chinese are killing us with lead! Jesus Christ! I'm going to buy a "lead detector"!

Has the FDA checked Chinese Buffets for lead yet???

An Open Letter To Chinese Buffets

Chinese buffets...will you PLEASE go back to the way you were? Sherlock, Drumbo, and I were going to you for years for our weekly Saturday "Chinese meetings". We loved munching on your CRAMS while complaining about the government and many other things. It was a given, that we would get top quality succulent CLABS, won ton soup, and many bins full of other Chinese treats. You're deserts were good, too!

Why did you have to go down hill and make us have to think of a different place to go each week for our "Chinese meetings"? It's not fair! Can't you go back to the way you were, and just charge more money?

Can't a new Chinese buffet open, and charge more, but always have quality CRAMS where you don't have to wait in line when the CRAM bins are empty? This causes fights, you know!

We love Chinese people, and your CRAMS! We'll forgive you for calling the cops on us that one time! It was a misunderstanding! We'll pay more! Just go back to the way you were! We miss you! We don't want the "#6 Beef With Broccoli"...we want the CRAMS!

There's 2 ways to make more money: Lower the quality, or charge more money. Please consider the latter...WE'LL PAY IT!!!

There's a lot of Mexican restaurants opening up in our area, you don't want us to start going to them, do you?

The Rice And Fall of the "CRAMS" (or "CLABS")

We did it again! Sherlock, Drumbo, and I vowed to never eat at a Chinese restaurant again...but last night we caved in and did it! The sirens keep calling us! We have to stop it! We never learn!

For years, my two friends I have gone out to eat every Saturday night, always to Chinese buffets around the area. We referred to them as "Chinese Meetings", because we always went to Chinese buffets. We usually discuss politics while chowing down at the Chinese buffet. We would switch Chinese buffets every week, just to "shake things up".

Once, I accidentally said, "Where are we going for CRAMS tonight?" I meant to say "crabs", but accidentally combined "CRabs + clAMS" = "CRAMS"! The meetings were henceforth referred to as "CRAM meetings"! The offshoot of this was combining "CLams + crABS" = "CLABS"; once in a while we would call them "CLAB" meetings...just to "shake things up". "CRAMS" and "CLABS" became part of our lexicon.

I got to the advanced point, as compared to Sherlock and Drumbo, where I ONLY ate crabs, clams and won ton soup (to wash down the crabs and clams...or "CRAMS", if you will...). That's it! I stopped fooling around and strictly ate "CRAMS" and won ton soup!

At one point, though, we noticed the crabs were getting smaller and they weren't filling the crabs and clams bins as often as the other bins. Sherlock commented, "There's 100 bins here, they can keep all the bins filled with the cheap stuff like rice, but they just can't seem to keep those CRAM bins filled!" Lines would form at the empty CRAM bins, as people would wait for the CRAMS. There were so many people waiting for CRAMS, that when they brought them out, they were instantly gone and we wouldn't get any! One time, I was first in line for crabs, and when they came out, someone reached across from the other side with the prongs and grabbed all the crabs on me! I was about to flip out, when I noticed it was Drumbo! That bastard! He took all the crabs!

Another night, there were no clams. We asked the waiter why there were no clams, and he said, "The delivery truck with the clams didn't come." YEAH! Likely story! YOU just don't want to serve as many CRAMS because you make more money!

We started switching Chinese buffets more often, and noticed they ALL started getting skimpy on the CRAMS! Every Chinese buffet we went to, those CRAM bins were empty! But no other bins were empty! This was no accident that all the Chinese buffets started skimping on the CRAMS! They were ruining our "CRAM meetings"!!! Instead of talking about politics, we were watching the CRAM bins for them to come out of the back with more CRAMS!

Then the final straw. About a year ago, Drumbo was at the empty crab bin at this one Chinese buffet, minding his own business, when an old Chinese woman came from the back and yelled at Drumbo, in broken English, "YOU EAT TOO MUCH CRAB!!!" And held her hands apart, up and down, as if showing how big of a stack of crabs Drumbo was eating.

Drumbo was highly insulted, and when we went to the cash register, Drumbo refused to pay. The Chinese cashier went to the back, and came back out with this other Chinese guy who was bigger than him. But, what may pass for a "big guy" in China, isn't the same here. Drumbo was much bigger. This guy proceeded to call the cops on us, over the restaurant loudspeaker no less, so all the patrons could here what was going on. We went out to our car, and the smaller Chinese guy followed us. He kept saying, "Cops coming...cops coming." Drumbo said he was going to call the board of health on them. Ironically, a week later one of the OTHER Chinese buffets we went to got cited on several counts by the board of health.

We drove away not waiting for the cops to come, that's if they were really coming. We were joking in the car, that the cops probably answered the phone, and said, "We'll get right on it!" And then hung up laughing. "Yeah...we are investigating a murder right now, but we'll drop it and come right over there!" Maybe the LAST thing this Chinese buffet wanted were cops at their restaurant! In light of all the recent citations local Chinese buffets had been getting!

Anyway, we vowed never to speak again of the Chinese buffet/cops episode, and stopped having our meetings at Chinese buffets. Their food really started to suck, and was going downhill anyway. And it was frustrating waiting for them to bring out more CRAMS. After all, that's the reason we went there!

So, since the Chinese/cops incident, we've still been having our weekly meetings. We ate Mexican a few times, at at the local diner that just opened (I had a melted cheese/chicken sandwich, it was pretty good!), a great hamburger joint called "5 Guys" who actually have good hamburgers, some typical fast food places, etc...but no more Chinese buffets!

Yesterday, though, for some reason we again went to a Chinese restaurant...although not a buffet. The consensus was that is SUCKED! I ordered "Beef with mushrooms", and the beef was spongy! How can beef be spongy??? Sherlock has a theory, that Chinese restaurants have a giant drum of some powdery substance in the back, that they mix with water and roll into a big sheet...cut it up into little squares, and call it "beef." His other theory, is that they put this into ice cube trays and freeze it. Then they take out the ice cube trays and crack out the cubes into the wok. The point is, none of us think it's meat. Sherlock says this theory also applies to the spongy chicken. We are all convinced of this, and it is not real beef or chicken.

I ate half of it, and brought the other half home for my wife. She took one whiff of it, said, "Eeeewwww!!!! This stinks!!!", and threw it in the garbage. I didn't stop her.

What I'm trying to tell you here, is that we are NEVER going to a Chinese buffet OR restaurant again for our weekly meetings. The "CRAM" or "CLAB" heyday is over!!! And Chinese restaurants SUCK anymore!!!

One more thing: Why do Chinese buffets always have these words in their names: "Super", "Garden", "King", "Queen", "China" (well, that makes sense, actually...)??? They're probably all sitting around at a meeting, their OWN Chinese meeting, and saying, "Let's call it 'Super China King Queen Garden Buffet!!!" COME ON!!! Think of a different name!!!

Now, I will leave you with a song:

http://www.hahahumor.com/funny-songs/chinesefood.htm