Friday, November 16, 2007

I Figured Out How To Beat High Gas Prices: Chariots!

Gas is now over $3.20 and I'm sure it's higher in most other parts of the U.S. than NEPA. I don't know what you are doing about hight gas prices, but I'm selling my vehicles and getting a chariot! Guess how much gas costs for a chariot? NOTHING!!! Just buy the horses some oats. You can buy generic brand-x oats or even treat them to Quaker brand oats (the one with the Quaker guy on it) if you like.

So, you have to clean up a little horseshit once in a while. Big deal! Throw it down your sewer pipe! Your car you have to wax, wash, fix the engine all the time, the transmission, the rust, etc... Does that make picking up a little horseshit once in a while not sound so bad?

And horses are more fun than cars. Can you play with a car? Horses are like dogs! You name them, they become your "buddies"! I already know what I'm going to name them: "Timmy & Mack"! Is your car your buddy? Can you pet your car? No, it's too busy sucking up all your money in the repair shop! And don't forget your outrageously high priced car insurance! Kiss that goodbye, too! Even less money down the drain! And when you need your insurance, they fight you about it! They just want you to mail them money for nothing! They get pissed when you actually need to use your car insurance!

Do you think I'm kidding about getting a chariot? I'm already looking into what licenses I need for a chariot and a couple of horses! Does anyone out there know what licenses you need for a chariot and a couple of horses? For those of you who think you can't have a chariot because of the weather, what about motorcycles? It's the same thing! Only NO GAS REQUIRED!!! And instead of snow tires, put ice skates on your horses! It'll be fun! Tyin' up your horses to bicycle racks and parking meters!

There's a lot of Amish in Pa. I don't think they're so funny now. Is that guy with the beard on the right paying $3.20/gallon for gas? Actually, he's not even paying for electricity, but that's another story. That guy looks like the guy on the Quaker Oats box! Maybe I can dress like an Amish guy or get a Ben-Hur helmut...just for effect...
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