Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Big Dan's Big News Dec 2, 2009

...Big Dan's Big News..."It can't be worse than the FAKE news on TV." - Ron Popeil, the father of the infomercial.

Tiger Woods escalates 8-year-old Bush/Cheney Afghanistan War that the American media and people forgot about.

Bush/Cheney started a war in Afghanistan 8 years ago? Where the hell have I been? Are we still in Iraq? Black Friday was great! I'm doing my part to fight terrorists by shopping like Bush told me to do 8 years ago! It's just that I don't have any money to shop...the banksters, health care industry, and college took it all!

Tiger Woods will escalate the War in Afghanistan by surging 35,000 more troops. This marks the 100th "surge" that was supposed to work in the last 8 years by Obushorama as America goes broke and hundreds of millions of Americans have no health insurance or are underinsured and kids are saddled with $100,000.00 worth of college loans and no jobs and companies CUT pay and benefits instead of giving raises but CEO's get $50 million dollar bonuses. Stop paying all your bills as a protest, start chopping your own firewood, and stock up on food!

Barack Obama crashes car into fire hydrant and tree in his driveway.

In other news, professional NIKE golfer Barack Obama crashed his car into a fire hydrant and a tree in his driveway. The fire hydrant was there to put out the tree in case it caught fire. He wasn't drunk. He always crashes into fire hydrants and trees in his driveway. Why are there fire hydrants and trees in his driveway? No wonder he hits them! His car came to a gentle rest in a field of poppies.

Billionaire slob radio infotainer's head blows up.

...and now for news of famous personalities that are NOT half-black: white fat slob drug addict homosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that) pro-war billionaire Rush Limbaugh's head exploded because a Democratic president is escalating a war and he can't say anything bad about that. His big fat head, not knowing what to do, blew up. President Tiger Woods and/or professional NIKE golfer Barack Obama did not - I repeat - DID NOT - blow up Rush Limbaugh's head. It was a spontaneous phenomenon...sort of like Global Warming...

"The Hackers" of Global Warming: their only crime is curiosity...and working for Big Oil.

In science news, the scientific method has been replaced by the "email method" in the ongoing rightwing "War on Science" (see Creationism). For example: if the scientific method has proven something, it can be disproven by an email saying: "No, it isn't!" Especially if the emails benefit Big Oil and are pushed by rightwing media. In a related story, hacking emails is now legal if the hacked emails benefit Big Oil and rightwing media. In those instances, there shall be NO focus whatsoever on the illegal acts of the hackers, save for being referred to as "the hackers" in news articles, and they shall NOT be pursued by the law. Also, there will be no mention in the "news" that 100% of the "scientists" who are funded by Exxon-Mobil say there's no such thing as Global Warming.

Congressional Research Service released an amazing statistic – it will cost one million dollars a year to support one soldier for one year in Afghanistan.

Lyndon Barack Obama:

Obama: "We Did Not Ask for This Fight"
Bush: "We Did Not Seek This Conflict"
Obama: "New Attacks are Being Plotted as I Speak"
Bush: "At This Moment ... Terrorists are Planning New Attacks"
Obama: "Our Cause is Just, Our Resolve Unwavering"
Bush: "Our Cause is Just, Our Coalition [is] Determined"
Obama: "This Is No Idle Danger, No Hypothetical Threat"
Bush: "The Enemies of Freedom Are Not Idle"
Obama: "We Have No Interest in Occupying Your Country"
Bush: "I Wouldn't Be Happy if I Were Occupied Either"

Right Wing Caricature Gets Physical at Cindy Sheehan Rally

CNN: we still have slavery in America

This woman is what I call a hero. She tells the TRUTH about Bank of America and banks in general and gets fired:

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