Thursday, February 14, 2008

Karl Rove Recruits Roger Clemens for Bush Administration

(Karl Rove "intrigued" by Clemens' "mis-remembered" and "mis-heard" remarks...)

("Listen to me now...and "mis-hear" me later...)

7-time Cy Young Award-winning Major League Baseball player Roger Clemens testified about his alleged steroid use in Congressional hearings on Wednesday before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, chaired by Henry Waxman (D-CA). Big Dan of "Big Dan's Big Blog" sits down with Bush administration strategist Karl Rove, about the hearings...

bd: Karl, how do you describe Roger Clemen's testimony in front of the House Committee on Oversight?

Rove: Masterful! Absolutely masterful! In fact, we are now recruiting Roger for a position in the Bush administration!

bd: Why is that?

Rove: Did you see the way Roger "the Dodger"...I've been calling him "the Dodger" because of the way he dodged questions...displayed total arrongance, while telling lies, contradictions, and hanging his best friend, Andy Pettitte, out to dry? At times, I forgot whether Clemens was on trial here, or the committee was on trial!

bd: There had to be a key moment for you...

Rove: When he was talking about Andy Pettitte's affidavit stating that Roger told him he did steroids, Roger said...I'm almost too choked up to say it..."Andy 'mis-remembered'"! I had tears in my eyes when he said that!

bd: "Mis-remembered"? Is that a word?

Rove: Who cares! Even I never thought of that one! Roger made Alberto Gonzales' "I can't recall" strategy "quaint"! "Mis-remembered"? I'm not even sure how to spell it or if there's a hyphen in it!

bd: I don't know how to spell it either.

Rove: But that's not all. What really did it was when he later said about Andy Pettitte's statements, "My friend 'mis-heard'". (tears well up in Rove's eyes) That did it! The hearings weren't even over, and I had my guys over there signing up Clemens for the Bush administration. He displays all the GOP qualities of confidentally lying to everyone's face and not batting any eyelash...all while not getting in trouble for anything! Mis-heard...SHEER GENIUS!!!!! There was one point, where he used both words in the statement, ""I think Andy has misheard, I think he misremembers of our conversation." ...and I fainted. I mean I really fainted!

bd: Karl, when you say "I'm recruiting Roger Clemens for the Bush administration", I thought you officially stepped down and are supposedly a civilian now.

Rove: Well, I like to think of another famous baseball figure, when you say..."step down" (lol). And that man is Earl Weaver! Remember when Earl Weaver used to get thrown out of baseball games all the time when he managed the Baltimore Orioles? And the TV cameras would show him smoking cigarettes in the runway near the dugout...still coaching the team? That's the kind of "step down" I'm referring to...

bd: Thank you, Karl, for being on Big Dan's Big Blog.

Rove: It's been a mis-pleasure...

Alberto Gonzales said "I Don't Recall" 74 times during one short hearing!

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